Disclaimer: This is sort of a serious one but I still try to lighten it up here and there. After all, tragedy breeds comedy!
Once another author (like I’m one!) looked at my blog and said, “These are great! You should really put them on youtube. I’d bet you really get some attention that way!” And truth is, yeah, I’m becoming a a bit of an attention whore and yeah, who doesn’t want to ham it up on camera once in a while? I’d love to post videos like my idols albeit polar opposites Emma Clark and gineriella. By the way, I think those two should come together and re-create this classic scene when discussing the upcoming 50 Shades movie, assuming one is still made. Come on, girls! Make it happen! But there is one thing stopping me. One thing that would make me reading my posts in a British accent sound more like a wounded cow after an all-night bender. That or Kim Kardashian in her sex tape. And that’s because of a complication during my birth which led to intrauterine hypoxia, which in turn led to a minor case of cerebral palsy and a slight speech impediment. Now, I have given talks at scientific meetings and at work, but those audiences are there strictly for professional reasons and not for entertainment purposes like the average youtuber, where, let’s face it, trolls will be trollin! Now, I by no means am writing this to feel sorry for myself. I am very fortunate to have a loving family and wonderful friends who see past my disability and just see my awesomeness. Well, awesomeness in all things not related to book promoting at least. But there’s always that coffee shop barista who talks to me as if I were a kid or that blind date who cancelled last minute because he needed to be seen with someone more presentable at law firm functions. What a charmer, eh, ladies? Come and get ‘im while you still can — as long as you are ‘presentable’! And yeah, those kinda sting. It’s like some people can make my doctorate degree null and void even though they don’t know me.
I even made up some stories in my sequel where the villain punches a young physics student with a similar impediment. He also does some other nasty things to her and calls her names, including one that would make Sarah Palin take out her shotgun in two seconds flat. Now, given the politically correct climate in Hollywood these days, I’m imagining that if ever such a movie is made (not that there is any danger of that; 50 Shades is still in much greater danger of being made), the villain, whoever that may be (again, Christian Grey is still in much greater danger of being cast), will turn into a little pansy ass and ask that those scenes would be removed. I can imagine that no matter how many men he kills or buildings he blows up or dimensions he obliterates, he’d say. “Oh, no! I can’t do that! People will actually hate me!” And I’d say, “You’re the villain! Duh! People are supposed to hate you! Now do like Britney Spears and get to work, bitch!” And you know why I’d say that? Because truth be told, those stories reflect about how I was made to feel by barista girl or blind date guy or how I’m afraid that I would be judged by the average youtuber. Maybe one day, I will get over my fear and actually post videos of this blog. Maybe not. But there you have it — something else you now know about me. Maybe not as sentimental and heartfelt as a “It’s called a Dictionary” cartoon but something about me nonetheless.
PS: Here’s a reading of I know what the problem is … I’m of womenfolk kind! that wordwan was kind enough to do for me though.
PSPS: I also have a book trailer out created by this awesome chick, Jas,from International Book Promotions which you can check out here. Yes, folks, that’s Order of The Dimensions in a nutshell, now available at Lulu, Amazon, and …oh bother, governor! Like you expect me to read that blasted rubbish from that bloody Yank? Yeah, that’s about how British I can get by the way.