So I came across this article by a science enthusiast I follow on twitter about how technology is being developed to actually make telepathic mind control possible and I’m like, “Pfft, Target has been using it on the female population for years now, as Buzzfeed and I could attest to.” But that got me to thinking — how could I get a hold of this technology myself? Then I got this idea — I should write to Target and propose that they make this technology available as a product. Yes, I know that I’m the last person who should be giving out any business or marketing advice but just hear me out. Why, they would make a fortune, I’m sure! Sure, there may be some blobbidy blob bitter ninnies who would use it for evil and destroy the world as we know it, but think of all the people who would use it for good. And what good would come of this, you ask? Well, for example, I could get into the minds of the editors at Simon & Schuster and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene looks great. We should really pick it up.” And then I would get into the minds of the studio execs at Universal and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster looks great. We should develop it into the next major movie franchise.” And then I would get into the minds of John Krasinski, Joe Manganiello, and Trickster Guy and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster and being developed into the next major movie franchise by Universal looks great. We should really get our agents to set up auditions for the roles in there.” See? All good stuff! Yes, I would totally make a bee line to their electronics department — well after I stopped on the way for that peach-colored wrap around Merona summer dress that Oh my God, totally looks like the McQueen at Neiman Marcus, some Golden Peak Diet Iced Tea, some L’Oreal Crazy for Chic nail polish, and a bag of Rold Gold pretzel sticks, of course — and snatch that baby right off the shelf. Now, if you excuse me, I’m gonna start on that letter right now! (You: You do that. Me: Why, yes, I will! Haven’t you just heard a word I’ve said?) Okay, so off to work — see ya, soon-to-be mind-controlled Order of The Dimensions reading minions!