Hey kids! I’m gonna start today with a short lesson in Polish history, because, well, having my ass dragged to Polish school on Saturday morning for eight years has to account for something, right? FACT: Chances are that if you grew up in a Polish family in Chicago during the eighties, nineties, double zeroes, or now, there were/are no such things as Saturday morning cartoons. So anyway, in 1683, Leopold I (looking all snazzy here, by the way) went to King Jan III Sobieski of Poland and said, “Oh, Poland … Poland … help! The big, bad Turks came to invade Vienna and we need your help to get them out!” Or something to that effect. And on September 12, 1683, King Jan III Sobieski and the Poles helped kick the Turks out of Vienna, to which Leopold and the Austrians replied, “Thanks, Poland! You’re awesome!” Or something to that effect. But then in 1772, you wanna know what happened? You really wanna know? Do you? You know you do! Stop lying and say you don’t! Okay … and you’ll love this part. I know as a Pole, I certainly love this part. So in 1772, Russia and Prussia were like, “Hey, Austria, wanna split up Poland with us?” And the Austrian empire was like, “Um, okay, cool!” Or something to that … you know what I mean. And actually the Turks ended up being the good guys in that they never recognized the Partition of Poland.
So what does this insightful tidbit of Polish history has to do with today’s post? Well, before I get into that, I just want to point out that this is not meant to be a political or discriminant post by any means. I have lots of dear Polish, Austrian, and Turkish friends alike. In fact, as I might have pointed out at one time, my dissertation advisor is Turkish, which one of the two of my most favoritest people in the world (not Trickster Guy. The other one … yeah, okay – I’m going back to TG and DL after this) would have known if she actually took the time to do her research. And one of my greatest twitter promoters, Irene, comes from Vienna. What I want to say here instead is something I brought up before. And that is don’t expect any outcomes just because you did something to help another person out. Sometimes it will work but sometimes it won’t. Whether it’s just giving a good review or liking someone’s page or sending pizzas to an Ivy League theater group where your future husband is starring in a Tennessee Williams play, just do it to make someone happy and don’t even think about getting something in return. That’s how I’ve come to think about things. At this point, I really have come to peace with the fact that Order of The Dimensions may never be a bestseller or turned into a movie (You: Finally! Me: Again, I asked you this when?) Just doing something to help others should give you some satisfaction in itself. And who knows? Maybe someone who you least expected will be your greatest ally and most likely to help you out. Like I may never get a movie deal but that Ivy League theatre group might make a play out of my book or my blog or whatever. Or if not them, maybe the theatre groups from one of my three alma maters will. No, you say? Oh, come on! Will you just give me a freakin’ … okay, never mind – just keep the peace, Irene. Keep … the … peace. By the way, I also noticed that my future husband unfollowed that Ivy-League theatre group on twitter. That wasn’t very nice of him. After all, they graciously invited him to do their play and I’m sure they shared the free (hopefully not illness-inducing) pizza with him and all. I mean, I’ll still marry him and bear his children, of course, but just sayin’ that wasn’t very nice of him.
But anyway, that’s all for now and now you know a little about the good-looking dude on this vodka bottle. And I’m kinda happy he saved Vienna from the Turks too. Yeah, it wasn’t very nice of them to split up Poland with Russia and Prussia later on, but they sorta made up for it my giving us the greatest musical prodigy of all time.
Yeah, Mozart too. But I was thinking Falco. I mean, who today can compete with such high art. Pure genius, people! Pure. Genius.