Tag Archives: John Krasinski

Dear Target

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So I came across this article by a science enthusiast I follow on twitter about how technology is being developed to actually make telepathic mind control possible and I’m like, “Pfft, Target has been using it on the female population for years now, as Buzzfeed and I could attest to.” But that got me to thinking — how could I get a hold of this technology myself? Then I got this idea — I should write to Target and propose that they make this technology available as a product.  Yes, I know that I’m the last person who should be giving out any business or marketing advice but just hear me out.  Why, they would make a fortune, I’m sure! Sure, there may be some blobbidy blob bitter ninnies who would use it for evil and destroy the world as we know it, but think of all the people who would use it for good.  And what good would come of this, you ask?  Well, for example, I could get into the minds of the editors at Simon & Schuster and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene looks great.  We should really pick it up.”  And then I would get into the minds of the studio execs at Universal and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster looks great.  We should develop it into the next major movie franchise.”  And then I would get into the minds of John Krasinski, Joe Manganiello, and Trickster Guy and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster and being developed into the next major movie franchise by Universal looks great.  We should really get our agents to set up auditions for the roles in there.”  See?  All good stuff!  Yes, I would totally make a bee line to their electronics department — well after I stopped on the way for that peach-colored wrap around Merona summer dress that Oh my God, totally looks like the McQueen at Neiman Marcus, some Golden Peak Diet Iced Tea, some L’Oreal Crazy for Chic nail polish, and a bag of Rold Gold pretzel sticks, of course  — and snatch that baby right off the shelf.  Now, if you excuse me, I’m gonna start on that letter right now!  (You: You do that.  Me:  Why, yes, I will!  Haven’t you just heard a word I’ve said?)  Okay, so off to work — see ya, soon-to-be mind-controlled Order of The Dimensions reading minions!

Ups and Downs

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So I just finished another report at work and was feeling quite good about it (as I should, since being the statistician that I am, I am the shizz) when I also received a work-related email from a colleague.  I replied thanking him for that information to which he replied asking me about any new books I’ve written.  And just like that, I felt no longer as the shizz and Flight 1313 on Irene’s Self Esteem Airlines took a complete nose dive after initial ascent.  Now, I know he just asked to be nice and it’s not like he asked if John Krasinski, Joe “So NOT Irene’s Future Husband” Manganiello, and Trickster Guy still think I’m a loser and still think I should find myself a fire to die in (Spoiler alert: They totally still do), but just being reminded of my non-existent sales or what’s not working or why I’m not at last joining Veronica Roth on Windy City Live was last thing I needed at the moment. So what I just wanted to say today is be prepared for a very bumpy road.  Just like with everything else in life you need to take the bad along with the good, or in my case, you just need to take the bad along with the bad.  You just cannot get discouraged by everything little thing.  Although if something good happens, however small, I say do relish in it if that’s what it takes to keep you going.  Like in my work-work, I just learned how to underline an inequality sign using R graphics.  Now, that might not sound like a big deal to you, let’s just say that really helped someone who’ll be giving an overseas presentation soon.  So just like that, my standing as the shizz once more was cemented.  And as the shizz, I do believe that my book might find an audience yet and Val Warner will be crying tears of regret as she lost my first interview to Robin Roberts while I’m just sitting back, relaxing in First Class and enjoying the ride on Irene’s Self Esteem Airlines Flight 777 to New York.  Yes, I’ll wait till you’re done again.  In fact, I’ll even join you this time.   Anyway, maybe this is just a non-post with a non-story, but just wanted to get it out there.  I know it’s been said many times before by so many others but just wanted to say it again.  And again, it’s my blog so I’ll write what I want, so just shut up!  And until next time, au revoir …

Since I can’t pimp my own sh …

Hey peeps!  Sorry for not posting in a while but guess where I was!  Yup, the APS March meeting!  Guess who I haven’t seen there though.  John Krasinski, my future husband, or Trickster Guy.  Nope, no Order of The Dimensions book/movie/anything tie in at this meeting. (You:  Oh, like, there’ll be one ever.)  Ah well, who needs them when I could meet the hunka hunka man, Tim Blais.  Of course, I haven’t seen Tim Blais either.  Eh, who needs him when I got the hunka hunka cardboard cutout of #FlatFeyman.

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Feyman just chillin’ in my hotel room. I think he wanted to watch some TV.

Anyway, getting here was kind of an adventure too.  Maybe not as exciting as being kidnapped by a deep, dark, sexy former Russian spy and forced to be his love slave in Malta in another dimension, but interesting (to me, at least) all the same.  It all started four thirty Sunday morning when the airline that shall remain nameless came up with the brilliant idea to cancel my initial flight and schedule me for a flight just two hours before my presentation. This led me to call the airline back and politely tell them “Awe, hell, naw!”.  After the agent of the airline that shall remain nameless gave me a few more options with unreasonable times to which I responded, “Awe, hell, naw!”, she finally gave me an option with a reasonable time but bit of an unreasonable price change to which I responded, “Awe, hell … well, I guess I have no other options, do I?”, to which the agent responded, “Awe, hell, naw!”  But anyway, the meeting went well.  Since it was a work trip for me, I mainly attended sessions related to physics used in cancer and other biomedical research, but I did sneak into an interesting quantum mechanics session too.  Of course, I was too much chicken shi.. to bring up a question regarding inter-dimensional travel again as it most likely would have been received with this response.

But enough about me.  I have decided to do some posts where I share some other works by a few authors friends I have met along the way during my wonderful (HA!), illustrious (double HA!), successful (oh God, an infinite number of HAs would not cover that one, would it?) journey into writing.  The first book I chose to feature here is Die in Paris by Marilyn Tomlins about my new role model notorious serial killer, Dr. Marcel Petiot.  You can find my amazon review of the book here and without giving away too much, Dr. Petiot would even have Putin saying “Oh, he’s good“.  So I hope you check out this book.  I’m sure glad I did as it gave me some ideas to … anyway, I’m just glad I did.

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And for more pimped out sh.. that should be pimped out even more than mine (You: You can say that again! Me:, And I asked you this when?) be sure to check out my publicist Jessi’s page for more awesome stuff to check out here.

Stylin’ Science Part Yeah, Okay: Bayesian Inference via Chief Jones

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Disclaimer:  Okay, I really do have the utmost respect for all law enforcement agents.  I am sure Chief Jones must truly be a wonderful gentleman and I am grateful to him and all the other officers who put their lives on the line everyday to keep the rest of us safe.  And I’m not just saying that in case I ever get pulled over in Trinity, TX.  Well, okay, maybe that factors in a *little* bit in this disclaimer.

So Chief Jones is going to help me explain Bayesian inference to you folks today.  Yes, the same Chief Jones from the stellar, suspense-filled, groundbreaking television masterpiece known as FAT COPS which I have highly recommended before.  I am still on pins and needles to see if it will be renewed for a second season.  I believe that it truly must be or else that would be proof right there that there is no more justice in the world.  Furthermore, it should be expanded on to the silver screen.  Yes, and forget about Order of Dimensions (you: Already have!), this … this right here must happen.  Yes, John Krasinski, my future husband, and one of my two of my most favoritest people in the world (Not Dictionary Lady. The other one.) should really be calling their agents now to see if they could land the role of one Chief Steven Jones.  I mean, by God, this man is an American, nay, a world, nay, a universal, nay, a multiversal hero.  He risked facing the wrath of his wife to look for a poor, defenseless peacock, people!  How many men would be brave enough to do that?  Stupid enough and yet brave enough?  And peacocks are not the only fowl he vowed to serve and protect either!  Yes, and I smell Razzie Oscar for whoever can pull off  the role of such a brave, heroic, inspirational … okay, I’ll just move on to today’s lesson then.

Hey dere!  So I’m gonna be helpin’ Irene talk about Bayesian inference with you folks and I’ll be a usin’ the example of that chained up peacock I found down dere in dat shack den.  So like I said, I found it fishy chained up like dat in the first place, but I ain’t gonna be messin’ with mah wife more bein’ forty-five minutes late and den some so I just gotten there the next mornin’ for investigatin’ and seeing another bird, lets sayin’ a hoopoe, chained up again.  Now, I agains free de bird and give it back to de rightful owner dere but again … somfin’s fishy.   So I gets back to de same place a few times and each time see a funny lookin’ bird chained up down dere!  Now, I reckon I have data to form a likelihood as is likely I be findin’ ‘nother funny lookin’ bird chained up if I go back down dere.  But I know nuffin’ yet about dat’s shack’s owner!  So if I wanna set up a prior, I could be usin’ a noninformative prior, like from them uniform distribution, so I be assumin’ equally likely probabilities that maybe the shack’s owner got somefin’s fishy goin’ on or maybe he ain’t got somefin’s fishy goin’ on but based on our likelihood, we git dis dere posterior distribution leadin’ us to believe that somefin’s indeed fishy down dere!  And den mah Deputy Big Sexy calls me wid dis dere fax from the Huntsville office, sayin’ dis dere purple people-and-bird-eater from outah space dere been capturin’ dese birds, see, and chainin’ ’em up in dat poor shack owner’s shack like dat.  Well, dat ain’t right!  So our posterior changes with dis new prior information, see, and we know somefin’s fishy but it’s not wid the shack owner, it’s with the people-and-bird-eater from outah space, see? So dis dere is how we updated our posterior distribution.  And …

Okay, maybe I better stop before I cause any more injustice to Chief Jones or Thomas Bayes.  But join me next time when I embark on another attempt to make another statistical concept appealing to the masses.  I promise it’ll be good next time — or at least less sucky.  In the meanwhile, FAT COPS: The Movie — let’s make this happen, people!

Hang on … more posts comin’!

Just might slow down again because of my real job commitments. But as John Krasinski’s beautiful wife and mother of his newborn daughter says above, I still kinda need it to pay the bills and feed my writing addiction. By the way – yeah – I’ve given up on him since I’ve decided a good girl who stays away from taken men, remember? Joe Manganiello doesn’t count though because that nasty skank, Bridget Peters, is just a fling. She just is, okay?

Being at the Right Place at the Wrong Time

Just a small note:  This post is dedicated to the loving memory of my niece, Julia, Anna’s and Mark’s sister.

Hey peeps.  How have you been?  I’ve been okay, I guess.  Been working on papers and protocols and paper reviews and my soon-to-be best-selling, Pulitzer award-winning, Stephanie-Meyer-eat-your-heart-out Book 2.  What?  Oh, okay.  I’ll wait until you’re done. Are you good now?  Alrighty then.  Where was I? Oh, and I also took the plunge and submitted a post deadline abstract to an APS meeting and should find out if it was accepted or not this week.  So basically, I’m waiting for them to say,  “No.  Not interested.  Now, kill yourself, loser.”  Well, maybe they’ll be a bit nicer than that and react like this.  But anyway, what else is new?  Oh, I had dinner with my niece, Anna, the other week.  And she told me a story about how when my nephew, Mark, her brother, was visiting her in Hawaii and almost ran into Luke Wilson at his estate.  Now, my nephew is an independent film maker here in Chicago, as my friend Jen’s husband, Jason, is.  I know, I know … if I can’t even get Mark or Jason to read my book, what chance do I have with @johnkrasinski or @joemangeniello or #TricksterGuy to respond any other way than this?  1.  Good point, now please shut up and stop overkilling that George-of-the-Jungle bit.  2.  Why are you speaking in twitter mode?  Oh wait … I’m overkilling that George-of-the-Jungle bit and in twitter mode as I am the one writing this after posting a few tweets.  Hmmm.  Sorry about that.

Anyway, so I looked at Anna and said, “Well, what did Mark do?  Did he actually go up to him?  Did he say hi?  Think of the opportunities if he had!”  And my niece responded, “I know!”  So that got me to thinking about how things just happen sometimes to lead us to our destiny.  Like when I saw a biostatistics flyer in college just when I failed my computer programming class and had to come to the realization that bioinformatics was just not for me.  Or when I decided to email my current boss out of the blue after graduating with a Masters in statistics from Wisconsin in Madison, as I was planning to move back to Chicago, and received a job offer just as my UW traineeship ended.   Or when I tweeted @simonschuster … wait … that one hasn’t worked out. Never mind.  By the way, twitter — NEVER the right place at the right time.  Ever.  Maybe I’ve just been lucky one too many times with being in the right place at the right time and this is pay back.  But then again — to whatever fates are listening out there — one more couldn’t hurt.  Just sayin’.

So will my book ever be at the right place at the right time and maybe even get picked up with a big publishing company?  Will my nephew run into Luke Wilson again who will then give up the opportunity of a lifetime?   Are there still inquiring minds who want to know?  I have no clue.  I would hope so but I guess I just have to put on my Doris Day Pillow Talk hat and pearls and just let what will be will be.  And thus, I thought about ending this post with one of these lovely images.  But I’ll just end it with this gif, as I overkilled it anyway.

MORE Daily Affirmations …

1. I am a statistician, so I am the shizz.

2. John Krasinski, Joe Mangeniello, and Trickster Guy will be wrapped around my little finger this time next year when they start filming the Order of The Dimensions movie because as a statistician, I am the shizz.

3. Famed theoretical physicists Michio Kaku, Brian Greene, and Neil deGrasse Tyson will be fawning over the Order of The Dimensions movie.  They will also bow to me and call their other famed theoretical physicist friends to do the same, since as a statistician, I am the shizz.

Isn’t that right, Jen?

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Thought so.  Thanks, Jen.  Love you, girl!