Tag Archives: Joe Manganiello

Dear Target


So I came across this article by a science enthusiast I follow on twitter about how technology is being developed to actually make telepathic mind control possible and I’m like, “Pfft, Target has been using it on the female population for years now, as Buzzfeed and I could attest to.” But that got me to thinking — how could I get a hold of this technology myself? Then I got this idea — I should write to Target and propose that they make this technology available as a product.  Yes, I know that I’m the last person who should be giving out any business or marketing advice but just hear me out.  Why, they would make a fortune, I’m sure! Sure, there may be some blobbidy blob bitter ninnies who would use it for evil and destroy the world as we know it, but think of all the people who would use it for good.  And what good would come of this, you ask?  Well, for example, I could get into the minds of the editors at Simon & Schuster and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene looks great.  We should really pick it up.”  And then I would get into the minds of the studio execs at Universal and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster looks great.  We should develop it into the next major movie franchise.”  And then I would get into the minds of John Krasinski, Joe Manganiello, and Trickster Guy and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster and being developed into the next major movie franchise by Universal looks great.  We should really get our agents to set up auditions for the roles in there.”  See?  All good stuff!  Yes, I would totally make a bee line to their electronics department — well after I stopped on the way for that peach-colored wrap around Merona summer dress that Oh my God, totally looks like the McQueen at Neiman Marcus, some Golden Peak Diet Iced Tea, some L’Oreal Crazy for Chic nail polish, and a bag of Rold Gold pretzel sticks, of course  — and snatch that baby right off the shelf.  Now, if you excuse me, I’m gonna start on that letter right now!  (You: You do that.  Me:  Why, yes, I will!  Haven’t you just heard a word I’ve said?)  Okay, so off to work — see ya, soon-to-be mind-controlled Order of The Dimensions reading minions!

Hang on … more posts comin’!

Just might slow down again because of my real job commitments. But as John Krasinski’s beautiful wife and mother of his newborn daughter says above, I still kinda need it to pay the bills and feed my writing addiction. By the way – yeah – I’ve given up on him since I’ve decided a good girl who stays away from taken men, remember? Joe Manganiello doesn’t count though because that nasty skank, Bridget Peters, is just a fling. She just is, okay?

Being at the Right Place at the Wrong Time

Just a small note:  This post is dedicated to the loving memory of my niece, Julia, Anna’s and Mark’s sister.

Hey peeps.  How have you been?  I’ve been okay, I guess.  Been working on papers and protocols and paper reviews and my soon-to-be best-selling, Pulitzer award-winning, Stephanie-Meyer-eat-your-heart-out Book 2.  What?  Oh, okay.  I’ll wait until you’re done. Are you good now?  Alrighty then.  Where was I? Oh, and I also took the plunge and submitted a post deadline abstract to an APS meeting and should find out if it was accepted or not this week.  So basically, I’m waiting for them to say,  “No.  Not interested.  Now, kill yourself, loser.”  Well, maybe they’ll be a bit nicer than that and react like this.  But anyway, what else is new?  Oh, I had dinner with my niece, Anna, the other week.  And she told me a story about how when my nephew, Mark, her brother, was visiting her in Hawaii and almost ran into Luke Wilson at his estate.  Now, my nephew is an independent film maker here in Chicago, as my friend Jen’s husband, Jason, is.  I know, I know … if I can’t even get Mark or Jason to read my book, what chance do I have with @johnkrasinski or @joemangeniello or #TricksterGuy to respond any other way than this?  1.  Good point, now please shut up and stop overkilling that George-of-the-Jungle bit.  2.  Why are you speaking in twitter mode?  Oh wait … I’m overkilling that George-of-the-Jungle bit and in twitter mode as I am the one writing this after posting a few tweets.  Hmmm.  Sorry about that.

Anyway, so I looked at Anna and said, “Well, what did Mark do?  Did he actually go up to him?  Did he say hi?  Think of the opportunities if he had!”  And my niece responded, “I know!”  So that got me to thinking about how things just happen sometimes to lead us to our destiny.  Like when I saw a biostatistics flyer in college just when I failed my computer programming class and had to come to the realization that bioinformatics was just not for me.  Or when I decided to email my current boss out of the blue after graduating with a Masters in statistics from Wisconsin in Madison, as I was planning to move back to Chicago, and received a job offer just as my UW traineeship ended.   Or when I tweeted @simonschuster … wait … that one hasn’t worked out. Never mind.  By the way, twitter — NEVER the right place at the right time.  Ever.  Maybe I’ve just been lucky one too many times with being in the right place at the right time and this is pay back.  But then again — to whatever fates are listening out there — one more couldn’t hurt.  Just sayin’.

So will my book ever be at the right place at the right time and maybe even get picked up with a big publishing company?  Will my nephew run into Luke Wilson again who will then give up the opportunity of a lifetime?   Are there still inquiring minds who want to know?  I have no clue.  I would hope so but I guess I just have to put on my Doris Day Pillow Talk hat and pearls and just let what will be will be.  And thus, I thought about ending this post with one of these lovely images.  But I’ll just end it with this gif, as I overkilled it anyway.

Spoiling the Love Story


Disclaimer:  Since I wrote this story, I got a lot of warm and fuzzy birthday wishes on my facebook page, so I was no longer in a foul mood … until I went to my twitter account and did not see any wishes for me posted there, that is 😐

Gotta say that I’m in a foul mood.  Yes, even more foul than usual.  I’m in such a bad mood that I’m considering putting Trickster Guy back on my to-murder list.  Awe, hell … let’s just do it and put that mother f…lower sender back on that list.  There you go.  So you’ve been forewarned just how pissy I am today.  So how appropriate is it that today we cover the lurve story.  You know how boy meets girl and boys falls in love with girl and girl falls in love with boy and they live happily ever after!  Awesome!  Now what about the jilted girl who loved boy that didn’t love her back.  Why is it that she always dies or becomes sick or moves away just so that we don’t have to deal with her Carrie Bradshaw moments or splurge any more money on the Haagen Daaz?  I mean, how selfish can we be?  She’s a human being too, people!  And that’s why I always wished that there was a sequel to Sir Walter Scott’s Ivanhoe featuring Rebecca’s sole adventures in Granada or that Epinone from Les Miz never got shot.  And I even felt a little sorry for Horpyna in Sienkiewicz’s With Fire and Sword. I mean, Bohun, come on, dude!  Like you ever had a chance with Helena.  de Bracy had a greater chance with Rowena, just so you know.  Seriously.   What was so wrong with Horpyna in the first place?  I mean, besides her being a witch who could change you into a toad for forgetting to take out the trash again and all …

So that’s why I decided to end things a little differently in Book 3.  (Attention: Slight spoiler alert!  You: How is it a spoiler if I have no intention of reading it?  Me:  Good point.  Now, shut up and pretend that you do).  I basically tell the last part of the story in the third book from a single girl’s perspective.  Because truth be told, yes, Elaine (the E is silent), it is okay just to be alone.   And she doesn’t end up dead or ill or necessarily with someone.  She just is.  And I’m not just saying this because I’m thirty-none-of-your-business and still single and so am trying to convince myself of this.  Okay, maybe I am.  But it’s not like I would change my tune tomorrow if Joe Manganiello were to get down on one knee and propose to me.  Yeah, okay, I just might.  But that’s besides the point. Now, there are dimensions where she does have a love of her life.  And although he’s very good to her, he is otherwise a total a … dolf Hitler.  No really, he is!  Actually, some of the stuff he does makes Hitler look like a choir boy (Me: Are you intrigued now?  You:  Not really.  Me: Fair enough.  Now, again, shut up and pretend that you are). And so she has some difficult choices to make.  So how does it all end?  Well … I just calmed down a bit so I decided not to spoil it here after all.  And though it’s written, who says I can’t go back  and change it anyway?

Maybe I’ll just change it just to piss off Katrina (because if I’m in a bad mood, I could be a total a … dolf Hitler and put everyone else in a bad mood) so that this character is still together with this guy and changes him.  Because that could really happen.  Because Katrina is wrong and EL James is totally right.  The twue lurve of a good woman can change any man.  History has proved this time and time again.  Look how well it worked for Eva Braun.  Or for Joseph Stalin’s wife.  Whoever the hell she was.  Or for Mugabe’s wife.  Whoever the hell she was/is.  Whatever.  I’m calmed down but still a bit pissy and not feeling like going to Wikipedia to fact-check.  I guess what I’m trying to say here is that although we look to books as a form of escape and fantasy, it still should be okay to inject a form of realism.  And show that girls can even live happily ever after without a Prince Charming.  And even if they don’t exactly live happily ever after, we’ll still be there for them instead of just killing them off or sending them to Granada.  I mean, did Scott even think about the possibility that Rebecca could be allergic to bulls?  What a total dip … py historic novel writing author!  It’s time to give the fairy tale/love story structure a makeover, folks.  And perhaps write a love story where girls can learn to just love themselves first and foremost.  Anyway, that’s all for now … till next time … now get off my lawn or at least stop making out on there!

Let’s talk about Physics!


So in my campaign to get a literary agent, which is still going oh-so-well thankyouverymuch, I talk about trying to get readers hooked on scientists, just like they appear to be hooked on vampires and werewolves these days.  Granted as a statistician, I’m sure that I could come across a sample where a significantly greater proportion of women would want to bang these guys rather than these guys.  At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I’ll even admit that I’m partial to Joe Manganiello myself.  He was going to my future husband, you know.  And all was going according to plan until he too got a restraining order against me.  But something about travelling through time or different dimensions appeals to me too.  And to others — just look at Doctor Who.  (Side note:  must capture and lock Moffit and Minchin in ‘the dungeon’ until they finally reveal their secrets  for success.)  And I still don’t get why sci fi is still considered a guy thing.  Wouldn’t girls like to know what could happen to them in other realms?  I’d sure like to know.  I’d like to think that I already am Dr. Helenowski-Manganiello in another realm and we already have two Polish-Italian-Austrian-Armenian beautiful children.  And maybe I would be in this one too had I not disguised myself as Lucia the maid and went straight for his … anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes, physics.  Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t talk about physics as my physics college grades sucked.  My high school grades were okay, but my college grades sucked.  Yeah, I’m owning it.  And even in high school, they were okay, but not stellar.  Still, they needed another member for the JETS (now called WYSE) team in physics and my biology teacher who was also the JETS captain went to our physics teacher, Mr. P, and was like “Hey!  Why don’t you let Irene do it!”  Oh well, poor Mr. P!  What?  Um, I may say “Poor Mr. P!” but you may not — unless you’re suicidal.  And yet I became fascinated with physics and the notion of multiple universes and multiple dimensions within universes while watching the Science channel and just thought that writing a story about inter-dimensional travel and how different events can lead to characters living different lives and developing different personalities.  Maybe it still will catch on, maybe not, but if I could interest just one girl in the sciences, … , awe hell, I’m really sounding like my letter to the agents now.  But yeah, I still think it would be cool if others saw the coolness in Lisa Randall and Michio Kaku and Brian Greene that I do.  Hey, maybe Emma Clark would even like my book and be inspired to go back to school to study science if she gave it a chance.  I’d even invite her to the premiere (coinciding with a major physics conference, of course) as she is part of another one of my brilliant plans so that she could tell other young, impressionable girls how Order of The Dimensions changed her life.  Yes, it still could happen.  Yes, maybe in this dimension.  Yes, I’m for real.  Yes, I … oh, I see. You must be feeling suicidal again.

By the way, don’t worry.  The real Lucia the maid is fine.  I think.  Well, at least she was  the last time I checked up on her in ‘the dungeon’ a month ago.  Do you think I should check on her again and give her some food and water or something?