Tag Archives: Facebook

Don’t Judge a book by its cover … unless it’s mine

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So I was watching Sex and The City the other day, the episode where Carrie’s publisher reveals the cover for her new book and she just screams “No!”.  By the way, Samantha was always my favorite.  Although I can be a bit of a prude sometimes, the slutty one always is my favorite.  Like Samantha on SATC, Blanche on the Golden Girls, Blair on the Facts of Life, and Saaaaaandra on 227.  Anyway, that got me to thinking what people might think of my covers.  Now, fortunately, when my designer Jas from International Book Promotion sent me the designs for my second and third books, I said “Cool!”.  But of course what I think it’s cool may not be what other people think it’s cool.  Like I truly believed that Anna Faris was robbed of an Oscar for her work in House Bunny and the cute, sleeping baby in Il Manors deserved at least a nod for being well, a cute, sleeping baby.  But you know what?  I’m not going to let such things affect me anymore.  Like with the cover of my first book, I actually liked my original cover as shown here but gave in to pressure from reviewers, friends, etc. into changing it.

Even with this blog, sometimes I reread some stuff and think, “Did I really write that?  No … no … I couldn’t have written that.”  And based on those television personality quizzes (by the way, there’s still one of Order of The Dimensions one which you can take here), you’d think that I’m really a Miranda/Dorothy/Jo/Mary type.  But I’m really not.  Whenever I take those quizzes, I end up being Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway.  And my family and friends see me as more of the latter than the former too.  You know, funny, sweet, friendly, but at the same time sort of vulnerable and a little too naïve (“For Pete’s sake, Irene!  How could you NOT know  he was joking?”) for my own good.  And I’ve actually become okay with that.  I’ve been told two opposite things by two people last week, but actually they really  mean the same thing.  My publicist, Jessi, told me to never change.  My friend, Erika, on the other hand, said to change my blog by making it more happy.  But I think she meant it in a good way.  I think she meant it to be happy because that’s actually my personality, because I actually like being happy.  So there you go.  That’s something else about the real me you now know.  So I’m going to makeover this blog to make it match the real me.  But of course, I’ll still try to be funny and entertaining.  So I might just come across as Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway and maybe a little zany like Carrie/Sophia/Trudy/Pearl  as those will be the sources for my funny.  And of course, a little Saaaaaaaandra.  Because, let’s face it — we all need a little Saaaaaaaaandra in our lives.  And we’ll just take it from there.  After all, this is a learning process for me, just like everything else in life.   As for the covers, I also like them just the way they are and felt that Jas also got the real me.   And if someone doesn’t like them or doesn’t like me, then maybe they’re not ready to look into my books or get my message yet.  And that’s okay too.

And if all else fails, I still have Pharrell Williams, at least.

P.S.:  If you do want to look into the covers of my second and third books, Revised Orders and Final Orders, feel free to check out this Facebook event that Jessi set up for me April 25th at 8 PM, EST.  Thanks and stay happy!

 

Punctual (Non)Rant

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So today I am going to talk about a pet peeve of mine.  Like what other things do I do on here?  But this one deserves particular attention, I think.  This is just something I always needed to get off my chest.  I’ve seen it all over on facebook, twitter, google+, personal emails, and it really disheartens me that I have some very good friends who do this too.

You know what I hate ?  You want to really know ?  I hate when people put a space before a question mark or an explanation mark !  Like I am doing now !  Isn’t it annoying ? Isn’t it ?  Yes, it is !  Don’t lie !  Don’t tell me that you don’t want to strangle the next person who comes through the door at your home, office, whatever, after reading this !  Because that’s what I’d really like to do after writing this !  It’s not cute !  It’s not clever !  It’s not funny !  It’s stupid !  It’s idiotic !  It’s something I better not say unless I want Sarah Palin to come after my ass with a shotgun !  And I know some really smart people who do it too !  Why ? Why ? Why ?  And if twitter or your cell phone automatically puts the space in there, go back and correct it !  If your tweet needs a space before its exclamation mark, it wasn’t that great to begin with !  And probably won’t be retweeted !  Just sayin’ !  Just imagine that another tree is cut down for every unnecessary space you use.  A tree with a nest full of baby robins in it !   Baby robins just waiting for Mama Robin to come back !  Do you really want all those baby robins to lose their home ?  Do you ?   Or do you not care ?  Monster!!!  I mean, Monster ! ! !  That said, I am totally going to use this technique in my Books 2 and 3 now !  Just so that they will become (in)famous for their sheer annoyances and stupidity !  Yes !  Here we go ! EL James, I will beat you at your own game yet, bitch!!!  Oh, sorry — I meant, EL James, I will beat you at your own game yet, bitch ! ! !

Well, anyway, thanks again for bearing with me through another one of my grievances.  Until next time !  See that ?  See what I’m talking about now ?  Freakin’ annoying ! ! !

Fantasizing about your fantasy cast

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So I’m not totally crazy (once again, shut up, please) in making up a fantasy cast for my book.  A lot of authors do it just to motivate them in their writing.  And just a reminder, this is my fantasy cast.  And this would be their favorite song if they were ever asked about starring in an Order of The Dimensions movie.  Well, maybe Trickster Guy’s (yup, he’s still there) is this.  But then my publicist, Jessi, thought it might be fun to think of more people who could possibly play certain characters and let the potential (HA!) reader decide who they’d like to play whom.  And I thought, why not? Maybe it could be fun to, instead of imagining a fixed number of people saying, “No. Not interested. Now kill yourself, loser.”, imagine three times that number of people saying, “No. Not interested. Now kill yourself, loser.”.   So I came up with these three lovely ladies to play our initial protagonist and brilliant physics student, Jane Kremowski, and then I have these three fine gentlemen to play her true love, Randy Lipinski.  And then we have the villain, Anton Zelov.  Now, Anton Zelov is also a deep, dark, sexy Russian and he’s supposed to do a lot of deep, dark, sexy Russian stuff.  So, you know all the housewives, cat ladies, and disgruntled biostatisticians turned failed authors  will be all over him and throwing their panties at him and running down the street, yelling, “Anton Zelov, I love you!” (no they won’t because they won’t read the damn book).  So let these three chaps who might play him be forewarned (Actually, they have nothing to worry about.) that their lives could change forever (again, nothing to worry about) and they could replace Robert Pattinson as the most sought after male specimen on the planet. (Again, not a problem for them. They will still lead relatively normal lives and Robert Pattinson will hate their guts for it.).  And for the younger student crowd, we also have younger Anton, which I’m imagining as one of these guys (spoiler alert: my husband gets that one.).  There’s also bad girl/femme fatale/evil scientist, Sienna Murdoch, whom I can see being played by one of these vixens (spoiler alert: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz in drag gets that one), Maggie Upton, the kindhearted pediatrician married to ‘good’ Anton in certain dimensions whom I would consider these three ladies for, and ‘bad’ Anton’s mentor, Roger Penington, who might be played by one of these fellows.

Lastly, there’s Tina Baranicz.  Now, Tina actually becomes the pivotal character in the third book.  So Book 3 is all about Tina and the reason why young, impressionable girls may throw away their applications to physics graduate programs and look into IT-related fields and computer repair jobs while donning the most fabulous outfit that Lady Gaga has rocked yet.  Now, kriscamaro68, Roguetadhg, and ptilsen may wonder why I would write something that would sway girls from studying in an actually prestigious scientific field to go for something less than ambitious, but it will all make sense once you read the end.  (No it won’t, because you probably won’t read it.  I know … I know, but just shut up and pretend you will.)  And that is why I thought long and hard about imagining who might play her and came up with Michelle Williams (my original choice), Carey Mulligan, and Mia Wasikowska.  Not that any of that matters because, again, all three of them would probably just say, “No.  Not interested.  Now kill yourself, loser.”  But that’s okay.  Doesn’t bother me either way.  I’m just starting to think about the perfect comeback lines to respond to each of those peeps.  Like when Mulligan will say that, I’ll say, “Well, Carey, trying to be nice here, but I think your Daisy Buchanan would have made baby F. Scott Fitzgerald cry.  And adult F. Scott Fitzgerald already had a difficult life, so why would you make baby F. Scott Fitzgerald cry too?  Bitch!”

I love your post. Now, do you want to lose ten pounds?

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I believe we’ve all had this experience on facebook, twitter, and even here on my beloved WordPress.  People liking and leaving comments on various posts when in reality, they haven’t even read what the hell you’re bitching about now.  They only like and comment to spam you and sell you the latest scams out there whether to lose weight, gain weight, or “grow ten inches”.  The last one definitely did not work for me, by the way.  I’ll just leave it at that.  Now, I know it’s just another facet of hosting a site and dealing with trolls and all that, but seriously, who does that?    Are you really so pathetic and in need for a buck?  Seriously?  I really just don’t get it.  So, anyway, I’ve been doing some research on how to ‘handle’ the problem.  You know, my usual – re-watching Se7en, the Saw movies, the Human Centipede movies, etc., but then I came up with the perfect solution while watching one of my favorite childhood movies.  I’ll just leave them all to this guy:

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Seriously, if they can last even half a minute with the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, that right there would prove that they have no soul and are the bane of our society.  I mean, to this day he totally creeps me out.  I don’t even want to know what went on in that wagon before those poor kids were taken to the Baron’s underground cellar.  So I just better leave it at that.

But Am I Ready for my Closeup?

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So I just started this blog for fun, not expecting much to come out of it, but as time passed I emailed some entries to friends and a lot of them said,  “Irene, these are really good!”  And I’m like, “No, you’re just being nice.”  And they’re like, “No!  Unlike your book, some of these are really good!”  Then last week I got really bold and emailed several entries to two members of my dissertation committee, one of them being my advisor, and they actually liked some of my posts as well.  In fact, my advisor even said I had the potential to become a household name someday.  And I thought to myself “Well, that could be sort of cool.  Who would have thought that ironically I could become a name for bashing my damn book rather than for said damn book itself.”  And maybe he just might know something I’m not seeing, since, as a statistician, he’s the … you know.  But we’ll see how any of this pans out.  My advisor, another colleague, and I also discussed big data when we met up last week.  And now, I have a little understanding of it.  But it also has me a little worried.  Because thanks to technology brought about by big data and data mining, it could be very easy to find information out there that you don’t want found.  Like if you play around with certain key words in that google thingy (really, DL, it’s fascinating!  You should try it sometime!), you could easily determine who some of the peeps I talk about are here even if I still wish to keep them anonymous (for the rest of you, it’s not really that fascinating!  DON’T try it sometime).  So I don’t know — maybe at this time, I’m just not feeling very Lady Gaga and would rather not live for the applause as I’d still like to keep some things private.  I guess I’m not (and I don’t think any of us, really, are) truly equipped to deal with cons along with the pros of celebrity.  So maybe it’s just okay if neither my damn book nor this blog bashing my damn book will become the next big thing.

There are other reasons why my obscurity still is a good thing.  Like I do not want certain people to find out about my plans to go shopping at the Old Orchard Barnes & Nobel in Skokie on December 6th at 7:00 pm for those Godiva chocolates for my school and work colleagues.  I do not want this as I’m afraid that I’ll find more Illinois state troopers there than in the Palace Hotel Ballroom, greeting me and handing me the reinstated restraining order.  Um, yes, I have to get those chocolates December 6th at 7pm.  And I have to get them at the Old Orchard B&N, not at the one just a block away from my house with the charming Nook pusher.  Anyway, I’m trying to get one of my friends to go with me, but whenever they say, “Okay, but your name is not Bridget Peters.”  and I reply “Of course not, silly!  It’s Dr. Helenowski-Manganiello!”, they suddenly remember that they have other plans that day.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll take my mom shopping.  He has to eventually meet the in-law anyway, right?

Happy Early Halloween

Hello, my pretties!  How have you been?  I’ve actually been doing quite well, thank you.  And you know what?  I’ve hired a new publicist.  Yes, a beautiful and brilliant lady by the name of Jessi and I am glad to report that things are going well (so far).  My facebook and twitter followings have increased substantially and I’ve even gotten likes from fans I once thought I lost thanks to Dictionary Lady.  Yes … she knows what kind of posts I approve of and what I am capable of doing if I ever were to find a thesaurus post on my page.  Yes, I like where this is going so far and I am even tempted to email Dictionary Lady and show her.  “See now, this is a publicist who knows what she’s doing … who is getting the job done … who actually read the freakin’ book!”  And then I’d tell DL to suck it!

Oh, I can picture it now.  Now, we are going places!  Now, we shall be on the New York Times Best Sellers List.  Now, Hollywood shall be knocking at my door.  Now, Trickster Guy shall be begging to be in the movie.  “Pleeeeeeaaase, Irene, pleeeeeeeaaaaaase.”  he’ll beg.  “I am so very sorry I was so cruel and so wicked and so unjust.  But I truly meant no malice.  I mean, Oh My God, HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW I WAS JOKING???  Seriously?  Are you freakin’ kidding me? Did your advisor lose a bet or something and then had to graduate you?  Alas, it does not matter.  Pleeeeeeaaase, Irene, pleeeeeeeaaaaaase!  Forgive me!  You know that no one can do justice to that part as I.”  And after I’ll have him grovel at my feet like the dog he is … just keep picturing him groveling.  Keep picturing.  And … keep picturing.  And after he grovels some more, I’ll say … I’ll say, whilst examining my nails, of course, I’ll say.  “Sorry, but Stevie [Speilberg] and I decided to go in another direction.  Kthxbye.”  In other words, I shall say that he may too suck it.

But before that happens,  I need to at last get my damn sales or at least downloads up.  No worries.  November shall be my month.  I just feel it. Everyone shall be talking about Order of The Dimensions.  No one shall be talking about those poor plebeians and their silly  little NaNoWriMo games.  And so you know what I’ll tell NaNoWriMo Nazi aka Cutthroat Grandma?  I’ll tell her to … I’ll tell her to … well, I guess there’s no way to tell a lil old lady to suck it and not come out like a jerk, no matter how cutthroat she is … hmmm.  Well, either way, it again does not matter as the riches of the world, nay, the universe, nay, all the universes and all their dimensions will be MINE, MINE,  MINE!!!   MWAHAHAHAHA!!

Okay, I know I’m getting carried away now, but it’s almost Halloween so let me have my fun and pretend I’m a best selling author!  Anyway, I’m also happy that I got another physicist interview for my facebook page and that I am now followed by two people I actually know IRL, namely my dear friends, Eva and Beyza, on twitter.  So who needs @johnkrasinski and @joemanganiello now that my homegirls E and B are in da twitter house.  So they too can just suck it.  No, Johnny, Joey, I don’t mean that!  You can call me, tweet me, email me anytime … you can even message me through facebook and I won’t ban you, not even temporarily. I’M NOT JOKING!!!