Tag Archives: Book selling

Don’t Judge a book by its cover … unless it’s mine

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So I was watching Sex and The City the other day, the episode where Carrie’s publisher reveals the cover for her new book and she just screams “No!”.  By the way, Samantha was always my favorite.  Although I can be a bit of a prude sometimes, the slutty one always is my favorite.  Like Samantha on SATC, Blanche on the Golden Girls, Blair on the Facts of Life, and Saaaaaandra on 227.  Anyway, that got me to thinking what people might think of my covers.  Now, fortunately, when my designer Jas from International Book Promotion sent me the designs for my second and third books, I said “Cool!”.  But of course what I think it’s cool may not be what other people think it’s cool.  Like I truly believed that Anna Faris was robbed of an Oscar for her work in House Bunny and the cute, sleeping baby in Il Manors deserved at least a nod for being well, a cute, sleeping baby.  But you know what?  I’m not going to let such things affect me anymore.  Like with the cover of my first book, I actually liked my original cover as shown here but gave in to pressure from reviewers, friends, etc. into changing it.

Even with this blog, sometimes I reread some stuff and think, “Did I really write that?  No … no … I couldn’t have written that.”  And based on those television personality quizzes (by the way, there’s still one of Order of The Dimensions one which you can take here), you’d think that I’m really a Miranda/Dorothy/Jo/Mary type.  But I’m really not.  Whenever I take those quizzes, I end up being Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway.  And my family and friends see me as more of the latter than the former too.  You know, funny, sweet, friendly, but at the same time sort of vulnerable and a little too naïve (“For Pete’s sake, Irene!  How could you NOT know  he was joking?”) for my own good.  And I’ve actually become okay with that.  I’ve been told two opposite things by two people last week, but actually they really  mean the same thing.  My publicist, Jessi, told me to never change.  My friend, Erika, on the other hand, said to change my blog by making it more happy.  But I think she meant it in a good way.  I think she meant it to be happy because that’s actually my personality, because I actually like being happy.  So there you go.  That’s something else about the real me you now know.  So I’m going to makeover this blog to make it match the real me.  But of course, I’ll still try to be funny and entertaining.  So I might just come across as Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway and maybe a little zany like Carrie/Sophia/Trudy/Pearl  as those will be the sources for my funny.  And of course, a little Saaaaaaaandra.  Because, let’s face it — we all need a little Saaaaaaaaandra in our lives.  And we’ll just take it from there.  After all, this is a learning process for me, just like everything else in life.   As for the covers, I also like them just the way they are and felt that Jas also got the real me.   And if someone doesn’t like them or doesn’t like me, then maybe they’re not ready to look into my books or get my message yet.  And that’s okay too.

And if all else fails, I still have Pharrell Williams, at least.

P.S.:  If you do want to look into the covers of my second and third books, Revised Orders and Final Orders, feel free to check out this Facebook event that Jessi set up for me April 25th at 8 PM, EST.  Thanks and stay happy!

 

Congrats to the Illuminati’s newest priestess!

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I am so in the dark about these things.  So I’m just now hearing about this chick Veronica Roth and how her book published just a few months shy of my first book took off and how she was already offered a movie deal.  I really had no clue about this person until I saw this post on Dlisted and then googled her book and came across her twitter account where she describes her books as ending with ‘gent’, which I must admit to  finding quite clever.  Now, I guess I could tell her to stop writing but that’s been done before or I could ‘make’ her stop writing, but my ‘dungeon’ is getting pretty full as it is, so instead, I’ll just say congrats and wishing her the best.  Yeah, she doesn’t know me and would probably just snicker, sensing the loser that I am, if she ever saw me on the corner of Clark and Division, but, eh, least I can do to help another Chi-town girl and NU alum out.  So I really do hope you check out Ms. Roth’s trilogy and the movies made from it and, oh yeah, … I hope you buy my damn book as well!

Dogging on Reno for dogging on Lynn for dogging on JK

mngirl

So the other day I came across this post by this chick named Reno Berkeley who is dogging on this other chick Lynn Shepherd who is dogging on JK Rowling.  Now, let me start by saying Ms. Berkeley does have a point.  Of course, you can’t just dog on another author and write a commentary telling them to stop writing without coming across as a bitter, jealous idiot.  Unfortunately, it takes a little more effort than that.  What you have to do is lure them to your ‘dungeon’ and ‘make’ them  stop writing.  Like this:   “Come here, EL, I mean, JK.  Come here.  Yeah, that’s a good girl.  Now, let’s go into the deep, dark cellar here.  Yeah.  Come here … oh no, don’t turn around!  I promise that there is a brand new pair of snazzy glasses there for you.  Yeah, that’s it.  Get in there!  Yeah, you’ll find nothing sexy about my torture devices, bitch!”  Well, something like that.  You get the picture.

But I do have some issues with Reno’s deliverance of what she views as flaws in Shepherd’s commentary which you can find here.  Let’s start with the title.  “Bitter British author to J.K. Rowling: Please stop writing”.  Adding an adjective to the title is just a pet peeve of mine (my parable doesn’t count, by the way).  Yeah, you might think she’s bitter and I might too, but whatever happened to the days when journalists or even commentators just presented the facts and let the audience judge for themselves what they thought of the person?

Moving on to the first two sentences: “How many of you have heard of Lynn Shepherd? How many of you have heard of J.K. Rowling?”  So Ms. Berkeley is basically telling Ms. Shepherd, “and you are?”  Well, I’ve grown to hate that.  So just because one person is not as famous as another they don’t deserve to have an opinion? Not that I’m not guilty of and-you-are-itis either.  In fact, I was tempted to use that line the other day when I posted a question on Michio Kaku’s Q&A session to which he kindly responded (and had not deleted it or banned me — yet — so you can just suck it, Trickster Guy!!) and yet another commentator told me to stop degrading physics.  Yet as much as I wanted to ask arrogant commentator guy “and you are?”, I just apologized if he thought my question was degrading physics and was just glad that Dr. Kaku didn’t think so.  I should have also told  arrogant commentator guy to get in touch with creepy physics administrator guy as they could have ‘so nice, so big’, not at all degrading ‘physics’ conversations together, but, oh well — another time.  By the way, Ms. Berkeley, and you are?

Moving on further: “Yet, this is a barely-published writer criticizing adults for reading a book enjoyed by people the world over.”  Again, good point, but, hello!  There was a time when JK Rowling was barely-published.  And Stephanie Meier was barely-published.  And when … wait … she escaped  again and took the glasses with her?   Damnit!  Well, she is indeed good with handcuffs — I’ll give her that.  But going back to my original point, “barely-published” has nothing to do with whether one does or does not deserve to have an opinion.  We all need to start somewhere.  This may come as a shock to you, Reno, but there was a time when even Stephen King was “barely-published”.

The next paragraphs focus on Reno being a Rowling fan and a Potter fan to which I say more power to her.   Everyone has a right to get into their own thing, whether it’s wizards, vampires, time travel, dimensional travel (maybe?  why not? please?) and it’s all good.  But then, she ends her piece by saying “Shepherd’s anemic op-ed has already made the rounds on social media, and readers who had previously never heard of her have vowed never to read anything that she publishes. This includes yours truly.”  Now, maybe I’ll be dogged here for dogging Reno having an opinion that’s dogging on Lynn having an opinion that’s dogging on JK, but I just didn’t care for Reno’s “How dare you?  You’re just a nobody!” tone.  Also, what will happen if by chance Shepherd does become a successful writer?   Or if Order of The Dimensions takes off and … what?  Oh, come on!  Is Berkeley telling us that she would be above being a jellis H8R of Shepherd or any other breakthrough author who will come next?  How is she so sure of that?  Yes, Shepherd’s Stop-writing-JK-or-else piece is childish and foolish but so is Berkeley’s you’re-just-a-loser-and-nobody-likes-you piece.  And if Shepherd’s original intent was just to get people’s attention, then she succeeded by grabbing Berkeley’s attention, just like Berkeley succeeded now in grabbing my attention.  Now, if only someone would read this and gimmee some attention.  But I rambled on enough for now.   So, sayonara for now — now, go buy my book — or EL James’ really gonna get it!  She will not escape the ‘dungeon’ next time – this, I promise you!

Oh, I’m just a delicate wittle flower, don’t you know?

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Hey there!  Happy Belated Valentine’s Day, peeps!  I was originally thinking about reblogging my previous lurve story post for this special occasion, but then thought that this topic pertaining to the battle of the sexes would be of interest.

So looking over my old reviews, I noticed something.  I noticed that while I get both good and bad reviews from women, I’m generally just getting good review from men.  And if a male reviewer didn’t like my book for one reason or another, he basically disappears into a cyberspace oblivion like creepy physics administrator guy did when I told that I wasn’t interested in anything ‘nice and big’ from him after all.  Now, I’m thinking that maybe  members of the opposite sex who read and didn’t like my book or didn’t finish it or were not even interested in it and were just joking about reading it were afraid to tell me so, fearing that I may cry upon hearing such dreadful news.  Cry and throw myself on the couch all dramatic-like and cry some more like they did in the old movies.  And I might even faint.  Yes, I’m bringing fainting back.  As them other boys don’t know how to act around me.  Well, I have a message for such members of the opposite sex.  Guys, you don’t have to worry about hurting my wittle feelings.  I may look like a wittle  girl but I can be one tough chick that could make your average women’s prison guard named Bertha with her crew cut and a good one hundred fifty pounds on me shudder if need be.

If you don’t believe me, just ask my dissertation advisor.  He’s a guy and he had no qualms saying things that made me cry sometimes.  Hell, I bet some of those things would make you cry.  Don’t believe me?  Think that Graduate School Barbie thing is a myth?  Well, it’s not.  Just read the parts by Graduate Advisor Ken that you find here in a Turkish accent.  There you go.  That was my life for the past seven years.  But you know what?  I am grateful to him for that.  Because in retrospect, what I perceived as him being mean at the time actually helped me in my scientific writing.  And as I said before, I am also grateful for the bad reviews I have received since they actually motivated me to work harder in improving my fiction writing.  So if you think my book sucks, tell me my book sucks!  If you think I’m a loser and have no place writing syfy, tell me I’m a loser and have no place writing syfy.  If you think I need to find a fire and go die in there, tell me that too!  I can take it.  I have come to the realization that if I want to be taken seriously in the world of writing, I have to take the bad with the good and I am now prepared to do so.  Of course, there are still some reservations you might want to keep in mind.  Say what you like about my writing but don’t be like NBR and cast it off as a result of my background.  In other words, don’t be a xenophobic idiot.  And again, if I say I’m not interested in anything “so big, so nice” from you, I mean I’m not interested in anything “so big, so nice” from you.  Otherwise, it might just end up “so black, so blue” permanently. And that’s a promise, not a threat. Got that, punk? But now that we have gone over those rules, feel free to trash away.  As an aid, I’ll even provide you with some ammunition which you can find here, here, and here.

Selling your book

Top 10 indications you’re doing it wrong:

10. Mein Kampf is outselling you.

9. When someone asks how many books you’re selling, you take the number of months ago that you sold a copy, multiply that number by 1537, add 328, divide by 45, round it up to the ones place, and say that’s your monthly weekly average.

8. You begin crying hysterically when someone even mentions the NYT best-seller list.

7. You start having dark thoughts, very dark thoughts.  No really, you do.  Or have you not been reading this blog?

6. Mein Kampf is outselling you.

5. Instead of googling nice Hollywood Hills mansions that you may live in one day, you drive around skid row looking at the nice cardboard boxes you may live in one day.

4. Your day job suddenly looks better and better.  Unless you quit and decided to make being an author your day job.  Then you’re screwed.

3. Did I mention Mein Kampf is outselling you?

2. Whenever you re-read your own work, you view your villain as a punkass little bitch, as you yourself are capable of greater misdeeds.  See number 7.

1. Your name must be Irene Helenowski.