Tag Archives: Book Reviews

Since I can’t pimp my own sh …

Hey peeps!  Sorry for not posting in a while but guess where I was!  Yup, the APS March meeting!  Guess who I haven’t seen there though.  John Krasinski, my future husband, or Trickster Guy.  Nope, no Order of The Dimensions book/movie/anything tie in at this meeting. (You:  Oh, like, there’ll be one ever.)  Ah well, who needs them when I could meet the hunka hunka man, Tim Blais.  Of course, I haven’t seen Tim Blais either.  Eh, who needs him when I got the hunka hunka cardboard cutout of #FlatFeyman.

feyman

Feyman just chillin’ in my hotel room. I think he wanted to watch some TV.

Anyway, getting here was kind of an adventure too.  Maybe not as exciting as being kidnapped by a deep, dark, sexy former Russian spy and forced to be his love slave in Malta in another dimension, but interesting (to me, at least) all the same.  It all started four thirty Sunday morning when the airline that shall remain nameless came up with the brilliant idea to cancel my initial flight and schedule me for a flight just two hours before my presentation. This led me to call the airline back and politely tell them “Awe, hell, naw!”.  After the agent of the airline that shall remain nameless gave me a few more options with unreasonable times to which I responded, “Awe, hell, naw!”, she finally gave me an option with a reasonable time but bit of an unreasonable price change to which I responded, “Awe, hell … well, I guess I have no other options, do I?”, to which the agent responded, “Awe, hell, naw!”  But anyway, the meeting went well.  Since it was a work trip for me, I mainly attended sessions related to physics used in cancer and other biomedical research, but I did sneak into an interesting quantum mechanics session too.  Of course, I was too much chicken shi.. to bring up a question regarding inter-dimensional travel again as it most likely would have been received with this response.

But enough about me.  I have decided to do some posts where I share some other works by a few authors friends I have met along the way during my wonderful (HA!), illustrious (double HA!), successful (oh God, an infinite number of HAs would not cover that one, would it?) journey into writing.  The first book I chose to feature here is Die in Paris by Marilyn Tomlins about my new role model notorious serial killer, Dr. Marcel Petiot.  You can find my amazon review of the book here and without giving away too much, Dr. Petiot would even have Putin saying “Oh, he’s good“.  So I hope you check out this book.  I’m sure glad I did as it gave me some ideas to … anyway, I’m just glad I did.

die-in-paris

And for more pimped out sh.. that should be pimped out even more than mine (You: You can say that again! Me:, And I asked you this when?) be sure to check out my publicist Jessi’s page for more awesome stuff to check out here.

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Oh, I’m just a delicate wittle flower, don’t you know?

800px-White_Flower_Closeup

Hey there!  Happy Belated Valentine’s Day, peeps!  I was originally thinking about reblogging my previous lurve story post for this special occasion, but then thought that this topic pertaining to the battle of the sexes would be of interest.

So looking over my old reviews, I noticed something.  I noticed that while I get both good and bad reviews from women, I’m generally just getting good review from men.  And if a male reviewer didn’t like my book for one reason or another, he basically disappears into a cyberspace oblivion like creepy physics administrator guy did when I told that I wasn’t interested in anything ‘nice and big’ from him after all.  Now, I’m thinking that maybe  members of the opposite sex who read and didn’t like my book or didn’t finish it or were not even interested in it and were just joking about reading it were afraid to tell me so, fearing that I may cry upon hearing such dreadful news.  Cry and throw myself on the couch all dramatic-like and cry some more like they did in the old movies.  And I might even faint.  Yes, I’m bringing fainting back.  As them other boys don’t know how to act around me.  Well, I have a message for such members of the opposite sex.  Guys, you don’t have to worry about hurting my wittle feelings.  I may look like a wittle  girl but I can be one tough chick that could make your average women’s prison guard named Bertha with her crew cut and a good one hundred fifty pounds on me shudder if need be.

If you don’t believe me, just ask my dissertation advisor.  He’s a guy and he had no qualms saying things that made me cry sometimes.  Hell, I bet some of those things would make you cry.  Don’t believe me?  Think that Graduate School Barbie thing is a myth?  Well, it’s not.  Just read the parts by Graduate Advisor Ken that you find here in a Turkish accent.  There you go.  That was my life for the past seven years.  But you know what?  I am grateful to him for that.  Because in retrospect, what I perceived as him being mean at the time actually helped me in my scientific writing.  And as I said before, I am also grateful for the bad reviews I have received since they actually motivated me to work harder in improving my fiction writing.  So if you think my book sucks, tell me my book sucks!  If you think I’m a loser and have no place writing syfy, tell me I’m a loser and have no place writing syfy.  If you think I need to find a fire and go die in there, tell me that too!  I can take it.  I have come to the realization that if I want to be taken seriously in the world of writing, I have to take the bad with the good and I am now prepared to do so.  Of course, there are still some reservations you might want to keep in mind.  Say what you like about my writing but don’t be like NBR and cast it off as a result of my background.  In other words, don’t be a xenophobic idiot.  And again, if I say I’m not interested in anything “so big, so nice” from you, I mean I’m not interested in anything “so big, so nice” from you.  Otherwise, it might just end up “so black, so blue” permanently. And that’s a promise, not a threat. Got that, punk? But now that we have gone over those rules, feel free to trash away.  As an aid, I’ll even provide you with some ammunition which you can find here, here, and here.

Hey There … here’s some more crap I’m re-writing

WTF-Picard-meme

These are some of the gems I wrote in November 2012 before I had some friends look it over and basically tell me this.  Again, new comments are in bold and italics.

With the heavy traffic, the cab ride unfortunately longer than anticipated [This particular dimension takes place in Chicago so that’s about right].  After struggling to retrieve all their packages from the taxi, they finally made it to the hotel entrance, where the doorman kindly helped them inside. [This particular dimension takes place in Chicago so that’s about  not right.  This part is where the fantasy kicks in.]  Tina and the children tried to wave their way through the sea of conference attendees, bustling about, and eventually ended up in the middle of the lobby  [Whew … they EVENTUALLY made it!], quite a sight [QUITE  a sight!!] to see with its black and white marble decor.   The kids were pleased to see that that the hotel once more installed its famous fountain in the center of the space and ran towards it, with change in hand ready to make some wishes  [Damn kids … do they think that they’re in a 1950s dimension?  Why can’t they just roll their eyes and remain glued to their iPhones like normal children?].  Tina yelled after them to slow down before a bellhop approached her and asked if she needed help with the packages and if she would like them stored. [Yup … this is the fantasy part!]  She thus [THUS!!!] kindly thanked the young man and handed him some packages and walked over him to the front desk. She just left all their packages with a young lady at the desk to be stored and was about to call Jane and inform her that they have arrived [and yet she conveniently ‘forgot’ to inform Jane about Amy’s new pierced tongue and tattoo …hmmm]  when the lobby became dark.  Panic became imminent in the air just as a flash of light zipped through the entire space.  [Ya think panic would become imminent?]

*************************************************************************************

“But they are not here.”  Anton replied in an alarmingly casual tone.  [Yes, his tone is not just casual.  No, no.  It’s ALARMINGLY casual.  That’s how you know he’s really up to no good.]  “They are at a conference in Pittsburgh, remember? [Side note:  I like Pittsburgh.  I’ve never been there but I like it as a lot of cool people come from there or reside there now, as Mr. Rogers, my publicist, Jessi, and my future husband.  That is all.]  We flew in here as I was giving a class this week at the Art Institute and we are staying with your cousin, albeit [see now, this is an example how the deep, dark sexy Russian does deep, dark sexy Russian stuff like use the word ‘albeit’] she and her family only spent two days with us during our visit as they needed to fly to Pittsburgh for her conference on Monday. [Huh?  I didn’t even get that part.  I’m still recovering from the deep, dark, sexy Russian saying ‘albeit’.  I think I need another moment.]

Okay, I’m good now.  Anywho, if I find anymore such treasures as I’m re-writing parts of Book 2, I’ll be sure to share them with you also.   And don’t worry about all the cackling mixed with crying you heard as you were reading this.  That was just NBR chained up in the ‘dungeon’ again.

(Un)linked-in

LinkedIn is another ‘interesting’ social network.  It’s supposed to be used primarily for your professional enhancement but let’s be honest, it’s just getting to be another clusterf…funnyfunnyplace.  On there, I am ‘connected’ to everyone from my dissertation advisor to my roofer(???).  It is a site where I’d like to put the emphasis on my biostats career but I have also received requests to be ‘connected’ from some of the bloggers who had given me book reviews.  And I’ve even given recommendations to those bloggers who had given both good (H/she’s cool) and bad (H/she was tasty with fava beans!) reviews.  Oh, and I’ve been endorsed by quite a few bloggers for my skills in R and SAS and longitudinal data analysis!  Okay, I truly appreciate when my advisor or my colleagues from work or school endorse me for those skills.  But when the bloggers do, I start thinking that it’s their subliminal way to tell me to keep my day job (albeit they might be right).  That or they’re just drunk clicking the endorsements on the top again.  Yet I will still accept endorsements in survival analysis from anyone.  Because not to brag but unlike selling a book, I do know a thing or two about making a bitchin’ Kaplan-Meier curve.

What is a Kaplan-Meier curve, you ask?  Well, it’s basically a curve that shows you how many individuals in a certain population have survived after a certain time period.  So let’s say you take the three aforementioned people who pissed me off and Emily Blunt and say you study them for a period of a month.  If I do not run into them IRL  they do not experience  life-threatening events (we will have to cover competing risks some other time), you could say that the survival rate for that population is 100% and the Kaplan-Meier curve would look like this at the end of the month, even if my book sales do not pick up during that time.

one

But let’s say I run into two of them IRL within the month and yet my book sales do not pick up, then the Kaplan-Meier curve could look like this.

half

And if I were to run into all four of them IRL and yet my book sales do not pick up, the Kaplan-Meier curve could look like this at the end of the month.

zero

See that?  Survival analysis can be fun, boys and girls!  Anyway, just another qualm about LinkedIn is that there are not a lot of serial killers to connect to since as of late I’ve been looking at new ways to …  as I was saying, isn’t survival analysis fun, boys and girls?

Bad reviews

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Now you may close your eyes just reading the title of this post, not even wanting to fathom what I would do to one of the bloggers who gave me a 1- or 2-star review.  But surprisingly, I don’t want to do anything to them other than thank them.  Yes, I like my 4- and 5-star and even 3-star reviews.  I like them very much indeed.  But the reviewers who think my work  sucks?  Yeah, in re-reading some parts, my book does suck.  I’m calling a spade a spade here at the risk of hurting my (non-existant) book sales.  Even my good friends Erika and Lynn pointed out some sucky parts to me and I admitted, “Yeah, those are pretty sucky.”  That is why I’ve just rewritten my first book a third time,  hopefully making all the crappy parts less crappy.  I’ve also been working on giving the characters more depth in the sequel and “showing” instead of “telling” the reader what they feel, the root of most of the criticism I’ve gotten.

And even the 1- and 2-star reviews had some nice things to say about the book.  There was only 1-star reviewer who was downright mean and did not say one good thing about the book.  Not one thing.  Like I  seriously do not know what her problem  is.  Like I must have run over her puppy or kitten in another dimension or something.   Like that was another realm, girl, not this one, so just chill.  Seriously what is your problem with me??? But that’s all right.  I used her first name for a character in the sequel.  A character who does something that doesn’t make the villain too happy.  And what he does to her is not too pretty.  So I no longer wish to do her bodily harm IRL as I got it out of my system.  Almost.