Oh, He’s Good

Vladimir_Putin_12015

Well, folks, the Winter Olympics start in Sochi tomorrow amid controversies about Russian policies regarding gay rights, terrorist threats, and displacing thousands from their homes, not to mention yogurt-gate, and everyone pretty much thinks this of Putin, but I think he is just misunderstood.  I think Putin is good.  Very good.  Very good at making people go away.  Like have you heard whatever happened to that newspaper that reported on Putin having a secret love child with a former Olympic gymnast?  Neither does anyone else.  See? Very good!  I must say that I admire his techniques.  He truly is an inspiration.  I mean, where do you think I got the idea of writing about a deep, dark, sexy Russian spy turned megalomaniac despot from?  By the way, whoever plays the deep, dark, sexy Russian spy turned megalomaniac despot (just humor me and imagine that it’s still a possibility) might want to not say that the deep, dark, sexy Russian spy turned megalomaniac despot was inspired by him though.  And in the event that he does say that the deep, dark, sexy Russian spy turned megalomaniac despot was inspired by Putin, he might want to avoid taking any flights over Smolensk for, like, ever.  Just sayin’.  You know … just to be on the safe side.  I mean, if Putin could take down a leader of a growing economy and influence at the EU and make it look like an ‘accident’ and make those who question it look like ‘conspiracy nutjobs’, do you think he would become scared by some spoiled, overpaid, whiny ass actor who would threaten to call his agent if the Russian czar president would make him late for his pedicure appointment?  Do you?  Well, I’ll just have Putin answer that one himself.  Seriously … I must know more of this man’s techniques as they might come in handy when … well, for whatever reason, I just wanna know them.  If I weren’t really chicken sh…rimp according to my horoscope, I’d go down to his torture chamber myself to examine his techniques at the risk of being captured and tortured myself.  What?  What do you mean what do I mean by torture chamber?  I mean the torture chamber where he takes his prisoners and … why?  What did you think I meant?  What??  No!!!  Eww!!!  C’mon!!!  You know I don’t play like that!  Get your head out of the gutter!!!   Anyway, like I was saying though, I think Putin is good and is my new inspiration.  I truly wish that I will be able to make people ‘go away’ as well as he does someday.

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8 thoughts on “Oh, He’s Good

    1. Some interesting stuff. Don’t know if I agree with all of it but definitely gives some food for thought. Thanks, Brandon! In all seriousness, I do believe that he is one of the scariest psychos out there today. McCain was right when he said we need to keep closer tabs on him.

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