You should know who they are by now. I am trying this as I am beginning to feel frustrated with the whole Order of The Dimensions thing (shocker, I know!) and so just had to step away and try something different again. So anyway, when I was going to my all-girls Catholic high school, I had this theology class taught by Sister Debbie and she had us to do these different projects like retelling a parable from the New Testament in modern times. Why, yes, one of my two most favoritest people in the world, I did go to an all-girls Catholic high school! Which is something you might have found out had you actually done your job and … never mind, I’ll be nice here. But anyway, I remember that I did mines on the Parable of The Lost Sheep but instead of a shepherd looking for his hundredth sheep, I had this girl looking for her tenth red hair ribbon. I’m not kidding. I actually wrote a story like that. I am not making this up. I wish I could tell you I’m making this up, but I am not making this up. Oh, what I would give to tell you that I am just making this up. I know what you’re thinking. With such creative juices flowing at a young age, how could I be such a failure as a writer now? I know what else you’re thinking. You’re wondering whatever happened to my lost flash drive and if that parable has inspired me to keep searching for it. Well, I know I’m a bad Christian for this and probably am going to hell now, but, yeah, I gave up on finding that too. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen. Someone else finds it and reads Books 2 and 3 on there and actually likes them and is able to get them published and sells the movie rights and … like you said, I have absolutely nothing to worry about.
But onto the story now. I have decided to retell The Good Samaritan as The Good Dictionary Lady and The Good Trickster Guy. So let’s begin. Once, there was this biostatistician named Irene. I hear ya … I don’t know where I came up with that name or that occupation either. I’m just glad that all the creative juices I had in high school haven’t diminished. But anyway, Irene was just driving down Michigan Avenue when all the pretty lights on her dashboard lit up. Irene looked at the lights and said, “This can’t be good.” She knew it could not be good based on her past experiences. And you know what? It indeed was not good. It was not long before the car completely stopped in the middle of Michigan Avenue much to the delight of all the wonderful, patient, easy-going, non-profanity-using Chicagoan drivers around her. Well, what could she do? She noticed that she was in front of the building where her friend, Erika, works at a dental firm. Irene was about to call Erika for help when she remembered that Erika was at a dental meeting in let’s say, Miami. Where the weather is this. Yes, I went there. I just googled the weather in Miami for the week of January 27th. Yes, I am that great of a masochist … or have you not been reading this blog?
What else could she do? Well, she thought about calling her publicist, Jessi, but Jessi was snowed in way back in Pittsburgh herself. She tried calling her brothers, her sister, her cousins, her mechanic, her accountant (ooh … that reminds me. Still need to give my accountant the info from the ONE book I sold in 2013), her butcher, her baker, her candle stick … you get the picture. But no one could be reached. Finally, she saw two figures approaching her car. It was not long before she recognized them as Dictionary Lady and Trickster Guy. Irene said, “Oh [something that begins with ‘sh’ and rhymes with ‘hit’], this REALLY can’t be good.” She instantly thought that they were in Chicago to get her for her constantly writing something that begins with ‘sh’ and rhymes with ‘hit’ about them on her blog. Her heart beat faster and faster as they approached closer and closer. And then Trickster Guy towered over her and said … he said … he said, “May we help you, miss?” The truth was that they were just in town for the annual Dictionary Lady/Trickster Guy conference and saw that she was in distress. TG then helped push her car to the side and DL treated both of them to some coffee and cake pops (note: I’d always go for the salted caramel one … yum!!) and they stayed with her until someone from AAA arrived. Before they left, Irene said, “Well, thank you so much, Dictionary Lady and Trickster Guy. I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for you. How can I ever repay you?” “No need to repay us.” Dictionary Lady answered. “Just remember to give people the benefit of the doubt. And to forgive. Because you never know who you could end up encountering in the future.” “Thank you. I have learned my lesson.” Irene continued. “But please, let me give you something in return. How about I give both of you a signed copy of Order of The Dimensions at least.” To which they replied in unison, “Naw … we’re good.”
Well, truth be told, they didn’t remember who she was in the first place. So actually this was them before they left.
Eh, all well that ends well. Now, to email this post to Sister Debbie and see if she could still change my grade. Just hope she finds it as an improvement over the harrowing tale of the girl searching her dresser drawer one last time in hopes of finding her tenth red hair ribbon.