Disclaimer: Since I wrote this story, I got a lot of warm and fuzzy birthday wishes on my facebook page, so I was no longer in a foul mood … until I went to my twitter account and did not see any wishes for me posted there, that is 😐
Gotta say that I’m in a foul mood. Yes, even more foul than usual. I’m in such a bad mood that I’m considering putting Trickster Guy back on my to-murder list. Awe, hell … let’s just do it and put that mother f…lower sender back on that list. There you go. So you’ve been forewarned just how pissy I am today. So how appropriate is it that today we cover the lurve story. You know how boy meets girl and boys falls in love with girl and girl falls in love with boy and they live happily ever after! Awesome! Now what about the jilted girl who loved boy that didn’t love her back. Why is it that she always dies or becomes sick or moves away just so that we don’t have to deal with her Carrie Bradshaw moments or splurge any more money on the Haagen Daaz? I mean, how selfish can we be? She’s a human being too, people! And that’s why I always wished that there was a sequel to Sir Walter Scott’s Ivanhoe featuring Rebecca’s sole adventures in Granada or that Epinone from Les Miz never got shot. And I even felt a little sorry for Horpyna in Sienkiewicz’s With Fire and Sword. I mean, Bohun, come on, dude! Like you ever had a chance with Helena. de Bracy had a greater chance with Rowena, just so you know. Seriously. What was so wrong with Horpyna in the first place? I mean, besides her being a witch who could change you into a toad for forgetting to take out the trash again and all …
So that’s why I decided to end things a little differently in Book 3. (Attention: Slight spoiler alert! You: How is it a spoiler if I have no intention of reading it? Me: Good point. Now, shut up and pretend that you do). I basically tell the last part of the story in the third book from a single girl’s perspective. Because truth be told, yes, Elaine (the E is silent), it is okay just to be alone. And she doesn’t end up dead or ill or necessarily with someone. She just is. And I’m not just saying this because I’m thirty-none-of-your-business and still single and so am trying to convince myself of this. Okay, maybe I am. But it’s not like I would change my tune tomorrow if Joe Manganiello were to get down on one knee and propose to me. Yeah, okay, I just might. But that’s besides the point. Now, there are dimensions where she does have a love of her life. And although he’s very good to her, he is otherwise a total a … dolf Hitler. No really, he is! Actually, some of the stuff he does makes Hitler look like a choir boy (Me: Are you intrigued now? You: Not really. Me: Fair enough. Now, again, shut up and pretend that you are). And so she has some difficult choices to make. So how does it all end? Well … I just calmed down a bit so I decided not to spoil it here after all. And though it’s written, who says I can’t go back and change it anyway?
Maybe I’ll just change it just to piss off Katrina (because if I’m in a bad mood, I could be a total a … dolf Hitler and put everyone else in a bad mood) so that this character is still together with this guy and changes him. Because that could really happen. Because Katrina is wrong and EL James is totally right. The twue lurve of a good woman can change any man. History has proved this time and time again. Look how well it worked for Eva Braun. Or for Joseph Stalin’s wife. Whoever the hell she was. Or for Mugabe’s wife. Whoever the hell she was/is. Whatever. I’m calmed down but still a bit pissy and not feeling like going to Wikipedia to fact-check. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that although we look to books as a form of escape and fantasy, it still should be okay to inject a form of realism. And show that girls can even live happily ever after without a Prince Charming. And even if they don’t exactly live happily ever after, we’ll still be there for them instead of just killing them off or sending them to Granada. I mean, did Scott even think about the possibility that Rebecca could be allergic to bulls? What a total dip … py historic novel writing author! It’s time to give the fairy tale/love story structure a makeover, folks. And perhaps write a love story where girls can learn to just love themselves first and foremost. Anyway, that’s all for now … till next time … now get off my lawn or at least stop making out on there!