Just some excerpts from my early work that I have since re-written. See now? I can acknowledge that my writing needed (and still needs) a lot of work and that I am indeed able to laugh at myself. My new commentaries are in bold and italics.
“Stop!” the custodian shouted, now charging at the two men. One of them, the one not typing, pulled out a gun, leading the custodian to abruptly stop.
The villain’s henchmen could either type or pull out their weapon, you see. They could not do both. They probably couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time either. Hmmm … it’s a wonder how the villain ever succeeded with inter-dimensional domination given the morons that worked for him.
Jane, still oblivious that this not the same Anton she knew from the dimension where she was situated in Houston, approached in hopes of setting the record straight. “Look, Anton, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but we should really be heading back to Houston, where both our families belong.”
Good luck, Jane. Let me know how that works out for you, sweetie.
Indeed, it was not long before the agents and several of their colleagues were mobilized and on their way to the Amber’s physics lab on the TCU campus. The ride itself was less than ten minutes, even with a bit of congestion on the interstate. [good to know; I hate congestion!!] While they were en route, authorities at the university were informed to give the orders for evacuation of the campus, particularly of and around the structures housing the scientific facilities. [I am glad to hear that TCU has very competent authorities] As soon as the agents arrived at the physics building, Randy and Keith made their way up to the second floor to the location of Amber’s laboratory per her directions. [I am glad that they followed Amber’s directions and not Anton’s. That was very wise as I am sure Anton, as the villain, would give them the wrong directions!!!] Once in the lab, while their colleagues as well as Mike and Amber were waiting in the hall [Yes, everyone else was in the hall — hall party!!!], they did find that her Multiverser device has been activated. Furthermore, being familiar with the indicator modules on the device already [yes, I’m sure some knowledge of the device is helpful when they’re investigating the criminals infiltrating it], they could tell that someone was still in the box [OMG, Randy and Keith are pure geniuses!!!].
Anyway, hope that this too proved entertaining for you. But again, NBR, this has nothing to do with where I grew up and what my native language is. This has more to do with graduate school burnout and running simulations for three years and getting a coverage rate of 89.98% after having a simulation run for three days with what I thought was the ideal convergence parameter. (I mean, seriously, trickster coverage rate??? You couldn’t be 90.00% like I needed you to be??? That was not okay, coverage rate!!! That was just not okay!!!). So anyway, I have since recovered from my burnout and I’m hoping that my writing is improving as a result. So again, you can just suck it, NBR. I can’t even imagine what horrible things NBR said about poor EL James’s writing. After all, EL James comes from Great Britain where they speak … oh, wait.