As ashamed as I am to admit it, I watched the reunion of The Real Housewives of Miami the other night. I know, I know … I could have been doing a bunch of other things – working on my sequel, watching the Science channel, cleaning house, gouging my eyes out, drilling a hole in my head … a lot of other things I know … but instead I watched The Real Housewives of Miami reunion. I was actually going to write a piece here about why such trash is still on television (and yet I cannot sell a damn copy this month) but looking at all the articles asking why this trash is still on television, I know exactly why this trash is still on television. So I will not comment on the show itself. Okay, one comment: I sure hope that people don’t think that Joanna Krupa represents the typical Polish girl now. The typical Polish girl is actually educated, classy, makes for a loyal friend, sweet, and able to be funny without being vulgar. Well, maybe not Joanna, and not me, obviously, but, you know, in general.
As my beautiful, smart, and classy German friend, Erika, pointed out, we just are drawn to that sometimes, drawn to mind-numbing experiences, whether it’s alcohol, tobacco, porn, or housewives who are anything but housewives trying to claw each others’ eyes out. We just need it sometimes. But why is that then? Well, I’m not an anthropologist (although as a statistician, anthropologists might just consider me as the shizz) but I’m thinking that it might just be an evolutionary mechanism. Just like craving junk food comes from the necessity of our ancient ancestors needing to store as much fat as possible whenever they could at one time, the necessity of mind-numbing experiences arose as a coping mechanism to deal with the daily hardships and dangers they had to face. The more I think about it, the more I could see one caveman telling another caveman, “Eh, we’ll probably be eaten by a lion tomorrow. Now, let’s go see why Ooga is catfighting with Booga again.” And let’s face it … we still need those distractions to this day, just to get away from work, the kids, failed book sales, whatever. So, I’m not saying that such programs are a good thing but they might still be a necessary thing, if that makes any sense. Even bashing such trash may be a coping mechanism in itself like with Katrina’s review or … sit down, NBR!!! I’m still mad at you and besides, Order of The Dimensions is not trash … in this new dimension I made up in my head anyway.
And there you go. Who would have thought that with starting this piece trashing such trash, I am ending it actually defending such trash. Now, if you excuse me, I have to send out my umpteenth email to Andy Cohen about starting that “Real House Physicists of Get Me The Hell Out of Any Dimension where I am Genetically Predisposed to Watching your Crappy Shows” show. Starring Lisa Randall, Michio Kaku, Brian Greene, Lawrence Krause, Brian Cox, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, of course.