Hello, my pretties! How have you been? I’ve actually been doing quite well, thank you. And you know what? I’ve hired a new publicist. Yes, a beautiful and brilliant lady by the name of Jessi and I am glad to report that things are going well (so far). My facebook and twitter followings have increased substantially and I’ve even gotten likes from fans I once thought I lost thanks to Dictionary Lady. Yes … she knows what kind of posts I approve of and what I am capable of doing if I ever were to find a thesaurus post on my page. Yes, I like where this is going so far and I am even tempted to email Dictionary Lady and show her. “See now, this is a publicist who knows what she’s doing … who is getting the job done … who actually read the freakin’ book!” And then I’d tell DL to suck it!
Oh, I can picture it now. Now, we are going places! Now, we shall be on the New York Times Best Sellers List. Now, Hollywood shall be knocking at my door. Now, Trickster Guy shall be begging to be in the movie. “Pleeeeeeaaase, Irene, pleeeeeeeaaaaaase.” he’ll beg. “I am so very sorry I was so cruel and so wicked and so unjust. But I truly meant no malice. I mean, Oh My God, HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW I WAS JOKING??? Seriously? Are you freakin’ kidding me? Did your advisor lose a bet or something and then had to graduate you? Alas, it does not matter. Pleeeeeeaaase, Irene, pleeeeeeeaaaaaase! Forgive me! You know that no one can do justice to that part as I.” And after I’ll have him grovel at my feet like the dog he is … just keep picturing him groveling. Keep picturing. And … keep picturing. And after he grovels some more, I’ll say … I’ll say, whilst examining my nails, of course, I’ll say. “Sorry, but Stevie [Speilberg] and I decided to go in another direction. Kthxbye.” In other words, I shall say that he may too suck it.
But before that happens, I need to at last get my damn sales or at least downloads up. No worries. November shall be my month. I just feel it. Everyone shall be talking about Order of The Dimensions. No one shall be talking about those poor plebeians and their silly little NaNoWriMo games. And so you know what I’ll tell NaNoWriMo Nazi aka Cutthroat Grandma? I’ll tell her to … I’ll tell her to … well, I guess there’s no way to tell a lil old lady to suck it and not come out like a jerk, no matter how cutthroat she is … hmmm. Well, either way, it again does not matter as the riches of the world, nay, the universe, nay, all the universes and all their dimensions will be MINE, MINE, MINE!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!
Okay, I know I’m getting carried away now, but it’s almost Halloween so let me have my fun and pretend I’m a best selling author! Anyway, I’m also happy that I got another physicist interview for my facebook page and that I am now followed by two people I actually know IRL, namely my dear friends, Eva and Beyza, on twitter. So who needs @johnkrasinski and @joemanganiello now that my homegirls E and B are in da twitter house. So they too can just suck it.
No, Johnny, Joey, I don’t mean that! You can call me, tweet me, email me anytime … you can even message me through facebook and I won’t ban you, not even temporarily. I’M NOT JOKING!!!