Selling your book

Top 10 indications you’re doing it wrong:

10. Mein Kampf is outselling you.

9. When someone asks how many books you’re selling, you take the number of months ago that you sold a copy, multiply that number by 1537, add 328, divide by 45, round it up to the ones place, and say that’s your monthly weekly average.

8. You begin crying hysterically when someone even mentions the NYT best-seller list.

7. You start having dark thoughts, very dark thoughts.  No really, you do.  Or have you not been reading this blog?

6. Mein Kampf is outselling you.

5. Instead of googling nice Hollywood Hills mansions that you may live in one day, you drive around skid row looking at the nice cardboard boxes you may live in one day.

4. Your day job suddenly looks better and better.  Unless you quit and decided to make being an author your day job.  Then you’re screwed.

3. Did I mention Mein Kampf is outselling you?

2. Whenever you re-read your own work, you view your villain as a punkass little bitch, as you yourself are capable of greater misdeeds.  See number 7.

1. Your name must be Irene Helenowski.


2 thoughts on “Selling your book

  1. But never forget the feeling you got when your baby book was finally birthed, a lot of things in life are a lottery, book sales being one, (albeit one you can change the odds on),You have created something that most people will never be able to.
    If people really are buying Mein Kampf, could we not load the copies with some sort of device to translate the purchasers into a dark dimension? I too suffer from indication number 2, I don’t know if my villains are too soft, or I am a really bad bloke!

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