Religious Agent

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With the self-pub promoting not working, I’ve decided to try to give traditional publishing a go.  Most publishers these days just use manuscripts as something to wipe boogers from their noses or something else from another body part unless they are contacted directly by a literary agent.  So my summer project has been to find myself an agent!  Woohoo!  Wanna know how it’s going?  Really?  Wanna know the real answer?  Well … so far, I’ve had ** shocker ** no offers.  Thus, the name of my blog.  But I digress.  I must admit some of the agents’ responses were very nice, some of them even giving me writing tips and encouraging me to keep trying, which I do appreciate.  I did get this one interesting message though just saying “Pass, but God bless.”  Yes, that is all she wrote.  Now, yes, I do believe in God, and you’re very lucky that I do, lady!  Otherwise, I might begin thinking of some ungodly things to do to you.  Yes, even more ungodly than locking you in a room with Twihard Emma Clark.  Yes, I’ll wait until you finish huddling in a corner in a fetal position, rocking back and forth.

Better?  Anyway … moving on. I just replied “Thanks, anyway, and God Bless also”.  In retrospect, though, this would have been an even better reply.

Dear Ms. Religious Agent,

Thank you for your response.  I am truly grateful that you would like God to bless me.  I would like God to bless you too.  I also like saying this prayer every morning.

Lord, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,

the courage to change the things I cannot accept,

and the wisdom to hide the dead bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off today.

Now, Ms. Religious Agent, do you know what’s my favorite part in that prayer?  DO YOU???

Sincerely,

Irene

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2 thoughts on “Religious Agent

  1. Agents often refer to deities, as they feel as if they are at least idols themselves. I found that quite a few publishers/agents will not take a book that has already been self published (unless it is selling millions). A lot of the trad publishers are also in their own sanctamonious, self righteous, ‘I am omnipotent’ universe and your post is spot on! There are however some exceptions, I encountered a submissions editor, who is not full of herself and understands the place that self publishing has, unfortunately her publishing house also does not accept previously published books,Like you I intend to try the tradditional route, my next book will definitely go to her first, just on the basis of her comments on ‘Linkedin’.Fiction Writers Guild, she is- Erin Lale-,.Acquisitions Editor at Eternal Press and Damnation Books.(I will try to read OOTD this coming week, I have not started it yet as I had a lot of work come in). regards Nick.

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