Dear Target

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So I came across this article by a science enthusiast I follow on twitter about how technology is being developed to actually make telepathic mind control possible and I’m like, “Pfft, Target has been using it on the female population for years now, as Buzzfeed and I could attest to.” But that got me to thinking — how could I get a hold of this technology myself? Then I got this idea — I should write to Target and propose that they make this technology available as a product.  Yes, I know that I’m the last person who should be giving out any business or marketing advice but just hear me out.  Why, they would make a fortune, I’m sure! Sure, there may be some blobbidy blob bitter ninnies who would use it for evil and destroy the world as we know it, but think of all the people who would use it for good.  And what good would come of this, you ask?  Well, for example, I could get into the minds of the editors at Simon & Schuster and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene looks great.  We should really pick it up.”  And then I would get into the minds of the studio execs at Universal and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster looks great.  We should develop it into the next major movie franchise.”  And then I would get into the minds of John Krasinski, Joe Manganiello, and Trickster Guy and have them thinking, “Gee, that Order of The Dimensions trilogy by Irene just picked up by Simon & Schuster and being developed into the next major movie franchise by Universal looks great.  We should really get our agents to set up auditions for the roles in there.”  See?  All good stuff!  Yes, I would totally make a bee line to their electronics department — well after I stopped on the way for that peach-colored wrap around Merona summer dress that Oh my God, totally looks like the McQueen at Neiman Marcus, some Golden Peak Diet Iced Tea, some L’Oreal Crazy for Chic nail polish, and a bag of Rold Gold pretzel sticks, of course  — and snatch that baby right off the shelf.  Now, if you excuse me, I’m gonna start on that letter right now!  (You: You do that.  Me:  Why, yes, I will!  Haven’t you just heard a word I’ve said?)  Okay, so off to work — see ya, soon-to-be mind-controlled Order of The Dimensions reading minions!

Don’t Judge a book by its cover … unless it’s mine

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So I was watching Sex and The City the other day, the episode where Carrie’s publisher reveals the cover for her new book and she just screams “No!”.  By the way, Samantha was always my favorite.  Although I can be a bit of a prude sometimes, the slutty one always is my favorite.  Like Samantha on SATC, Blanche on the Golden Girls, Blair on the Facts of Life, and Saaaaaandra on 227.  Anyway, that got me to thinking what people might think of my covers.  Now, fortunately, when my designer Jas from International Book Promotion sent me the designs for my second and third books, I said “Cool!”.  But of course what I think it’s cool may not be what other people think it’s cool.  Like I truly believed that Anna Faris was robbed of an Oscar for her work in House Bunny and the cute, sleeping baby in Il Manors deserved at least a nod for being well, a cute, sleeping baby.  But you know what?  I’m not going to let such things affect me anymore.  Like with the cover of my first book, I actually liked my original cover as shown here but gave in to pressure from reviewers, friends, etc. into changing it.

Even with this blog, sometimes I reread some stuff and think, “Did I really write that?  No … no … I couldn’t have written that.”  And based on those television personality quizzes (by the way, there’s still one of Order of The Dimensions one which you can take here), you’d think that I’m really a Miranda/Dorothy/Jo/Mary type.  But I’m really not.  Whenever I take those quizzes, I end up being Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway.  And my family and friends see me as more of the latter than the former too.  You know, funny, sweet, friendly, but at the same time sort of vulnerable and a little too naïve (“For Pete’s sake, Irene!  How could you NOT know  he was joking?”) for my own good.  And I’ve actually become okay with that.  I’ve been told two opposite things by two people last week, but actually they really  mean the same thing.  My publicist, Jessi, told me to never change.  My friend, Erika, on the other hand, said to change my blog by making it more happy.  But I think she meant it in a good way.  I think she meant it to be happy because that’s actually my personality, because I actually like being happy.  So there you go.  That’s something else about the real me you now know.  So I’m going to makeover this blog to make it match the real me.  But of course, I’ll still try to be funny and entertaining.  So I might just come across as Charlotte/Rose Nyland/Natalie/Rose Lee Holloway and maybe a little zany like Carrie/Sophia/Trudy/Pearl  as those will be the sources for my funny.  And of course, a little Saaaaaaaandra.  Because, let’s face it — we all need a little Saaaaaaaaandra in our lives.  And we’ll just take it from there.  After all, this is a learning process for me, just like everything else in life.   As for the covers, I also like them just the way they are and felt that Jas also got the real me.   And if someone doesn’t like them or doesn’t like me, then maybe they’re not ready to look into my books or get my message yet.  And that’s okay too.

And if all else fails, I still have Pharrell Williams, at least.

P.S.:  If you do want to look into the covers of my second and third books, Revised Orders and Final Orders, feel free to check out this Facebook event that Jessi set up for me April 25th at 8 PM, EST.  Thanks and stay happy!

 

Ups and Downs

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So I just finished another report at work and was feeling quite good about it (as I should, since being the statistician that I am, I am the shizz) when I also received a work-related email from a colleague.  I replied thanking him for that information to which he replied asking me about any new books I’ve written.  And just like that, I felt no longer as the shizz and Flight 1313 on Irene’s Self Esteem Airlines took a complete nose dive after initial ascent.  Now, I know he just asked to be nice and it’s not like he asked if John Krasinski, Joe “So NOT Irene’s Future Husband” Manganiello, and Trickster Guy still think I’m a loser and still think I should find myself a fire to die in (Spoiler alert: They totally still do), but just being reminded of my non-existent sales or what’s not working or why I’m not at last joining Veronica Roth on Windy City Live was last thing I needed at the moment. So what I just wanted to say today is be prepared for a very bumpy road.  Just like with everything else in life you need to take the bad along with the good, or in my case, you just need to take the bad along with the bad.  You just cannot get discouraged by everything little thing.  Although if something good happens, however small, I say do relish in it if that’s what it takes to keep you going.  Like in my work-work, I just learned how to underline an inequality sign using R graphics.  Now, that might not sound like a big deal to you, let’s just say that really helped someone who’ll be giving an overseas presentation soon.  So just like that, my standing as the shizz once more was cemented.  And as the shizz, I do believe that my book might find an audience yet and Val Warner will be crying tears of regret as she lost my first interview to Robin Roberts while I’m just sitting back, relaxing in First Class and enjoying the ride on Irene’s Self Esteem Airlines Flight 777 to New York.  Yes, I’ll wait till you’re done again.  In fact, I’ll even join you this time.   Anyway, maybe this is just a non-post with a non-story, but just wanted to get it out there.  I know it’s been said many times before by so many others but just wanted to say it again.  And again, it’s my blog so I’ll write what I want, so just shut up!  And until next time, au revoir …

Since I can’t sell my own … you know: My Hero (film)

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Disclaimer: More book reviews and writing posts to come!  Just thought I might feature a movie for once.  And it’s my blog so I’ll do what I want to so just shut up!

Why, hello there.  How are you?  I’m okay given I’m undergoing this intense 40-day (Sundays don’t count; I checked) caffeine withdrawal program. It’s called Lent.  Yes,  every year for Lent, I give up my worst vices including coffee, chocolate, and Coke Zero.  You’d be surprised how fast my nasty caffeine addiction comes back Easter morning though.  But anyway,speaking of Easter, Easter always makes me think of spring and spring always makes me think of summer.  And given the wonderful, mild, oh-geez-I-wish-it-could-go-on-forever wintery wonderland we had in Chicago this year, summer can’t come fast enough.   I also hope to start planning my trip to Boston for the Joint Statistical Meetings this summer soon.  I hope it’ll be a good meeting like the APS March Meeting that I just attended, where I not only learned a lot actually but also had quite a few cute physics guys flirt with me (shhh … don’t tell my future husband).  They must have found me quite attractive, sensing that I am actually a statistician and therefore I am the shizz.  I am now wondering if there’ll also be any cute statistics guys at JSM who will flirt with me (again, don’t tell my future husband) and … oh, who are we kidding – as there’ll also be a lot of hot statistics girls there who are also the shizz, I won’t stand a chance at that one.

Ah, well.   I’ve also been looking at some of the movies coming out this summer.  (You: I know what movie is NOT coming out this summer.  Me:  That’s nice.  I know who is going to get a fat lip and black eye if they don’t stop talking.)   And then, I came across this film called My Hero.  It’s basically about this young girl Jade (very cute — reminds me of my niece, Alyssa) and this young man, Jake, (quite  cute also – maybe not as hot as Tim Blais but still adorable) on the run from some big, bad guys who I guess do big, bad guy stuff.  Actually, I always find the big, bad guy in the movie who does big, bad guy stuff most adorable.  Cuz really, as if they’d be a match for me … or have you not been reading this blog?  Yeah, well, let me tell you something: when this little Polish American white girl from the Northwest side of Chicago says “Come at me, fool!”  that’s your cue to turn around and start running the other way, punk!  Yeah, I’d have them running back to their mommy … oh, sorry, it’s a British flick, right?  Okay, I’d having them running back to their mummy in no time.   Yeah, Jade and Jake should have hired me as their security detail and … what!  Can you just stop with the “Stop talking, Irene!”?  Has it ever occurred to you that maybe for once I know what I’m doing?  Okay?  You know, just because I don’t know the first thing about selling a book and my dissertation advisor more often than not gave me this look during my graduate studies doesn’t mean that … yeah, you’re right — I’ll check my life insurance policy and start casket shopping first thing in the morning.

But anyway,  I like the premise of this film and hope  you  check it out too and perhaps like their Facebook page here.  And I’m hoping that they get enough likes to bring the film State-side as I would like to have another option when seventeen of the eighteen screens at my local theater are playing that movie based on the book from my most favoritest arch rival in the world.   But I know I shouldn’t dog on another author, so I’ll just leave at  that.

P.S.  Just checked my policy and it does cover murder by one Mr. Simon Flowers.  So I’m good.  Okay — so on to casket shopping now.